Sex, Love and Intimacy - What Sort of Relationship Do You Want?

But my loving heart did not always find a big enough audience in this family situation. I started to explore how to bring my loving heart to life. I did, but that affair wrecked the family. I needed another way and this blog post is an attempt to describe what I discovered.

I discovered that I can't love one person and judge another. That, in fact, when I bottled up our love into one partner instead of the greater world around me, I loaded my relationship with lots of pleasing pleasure filed days, but I also contaminated my relationship with just too much of a burden. It was asking too much and it didn't survive.

I discovered that my loving heart was quite conditional. So my love was all contaminated with all sorts of my own unfulfilled life. I tried to replace living a happy life with living a happy relationship and that's an unsustainable contradiction.

I discovered that my loving heart expanded each time I added someone to love. I was surprised because at first I thought I could only love one woman, and then I loved three children, but my heart wasn't even taxed, it just wanted to love more and more people, life and work... I don't know but there's something really important about this.

Finally, I separated sex, love and intimacy from each other.

I found, especially as I got older, that sex was really important with my partner and that sexuality was not always physical. I probably define it more as attraction, sensuality and electricity. It's organic between adults if the chemistry is perfect between my partner and I. I don't even need herbs to cause it.

I found that sex and chemistry between my partner and I was vulnerable to many, many things. My health, her health, my attitude, her attitude, our diet, our location, our clothing, our bathing habits and the music that filled the house, and importantly, our dreams.

I found that when this sex chemistry between my partner and I started to fizzle, it was nature's first warning... for me to either re-focus or re-locate. At first, my skills in re-focus were poor, so, I'd relocate. But eventually I have learned to re-focus and find where my energy has slumped and not blame my relationship for all that I might be dragging into it that kills the sex chemistry (read stress, tiredness, poor diet, alcohol, not enough travel, yoga and meditation and more)

I found that the more Love and Intimacy I could have with the world around me, the more sex chemistry I bought home and the better I felt in my love and intimacy with my partner. It seems that by unhooking love and intimacy from sex I could enjoy my loving heart in the world around me. I can feel love when I walk past a new born child in its mothers arms and not feel bad about that. I feel love when I work with my corporate teams and even when I see somebody doing slow suicide at work and promote their release to another business. I feel love when I play frizbie with my friend's dog.

I found that the more I love the world I live in, and the more I stop trying to fix global warming, or preventing genetically modified food or save the whales, the more I love the world the more I love my partner. I found that when I get all "save the planet" my love at home becomes a judgemental conditional one... they run in parallel.

I found that intimacy comes from raw honesty. Like most people, I struggle with rejection sometimes, so like most people I struggle with the honesty that might cause rejection but I found a great solution. I can please others and piss myself off or please myself and piss others off but I can't do both.... So, sometimes I just need to go a little bit deeper and find feelings and stuff that were hidden underneath in order to be really honest with myself first and others second.

I found that it's important to know that I don't need to express those deeper feelings. The fact is that I communicate those deeper truths to everyone, they hear those feelings in my posture, my tone, my eyes, my scent... that's the material of intuition and although many people are not yet aware of their intuition (an important part of evolving in life) they live 99% of their life dealing with them. Women respond to intuition faster than men, but we all have them.

So, in my later years I've celebrated the best relationships of my life. I've simply found that if I love the world I live in more, my loving heart has freedom to celebrate, I found that if I just express more raw authentic honesty I celebrate intimacy at every human interaction, and with all this, I simply focus on my relationship as a source and celebration of sexuality and the energies around that, (as opposed to raw bonking) my relationship is love filled, intimate but equally important, a delicious and wonderful home for my spiritual core.

This is an extract of a book I am writing.... Sacred Love 11.

Chris Walker http://www.chriswalker.com.au is a visionary business consultant and of the world's leading facilitators of Personal/Professional Development. Author, consultant and professional speaker, his considered a leader in the field of human potential and lifestyles for success. His VIP and Mastery Programs have been attended by thousands of individuals around the world seeking tools to live life and manage their careers to their fullest potential. http://www.chriswalker.com.au

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