Sustainability is a popular and urgent word today. It refers to the capacity to endure. There is growing concern that we must learn to use earth's resources in a way that does not deplete them. The original meaning of the word "resource" was to rise up, to lift up. A resource is that which provides support, can be drawn upon when needed. We are all familiar with the resources that are required to drive our cars, heat or cool our homes, produce food for our families.
We know that some resources are limited and cannot be replenished. Yet others are renewable. Sustainability depends on discovering and developing these renewable sources of energy.
To sustain a relationship, can "love" be considered a resource? Intimacy? Absolutely. Dr. Dean Ornish, a physician and best-selling author who links lifestyle to health, says that "Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing." He continues, "I am not aware of any other factor in medicine- not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery- that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death from all causes."
Quality of life matters. Luckily for us, love and intimacy are renewable resources that actually increase through use. The more we allow and enjoy love and intimacy, the more we are nourished at the core of our being.
There are many factors that help sustain a relationship: kindness, respect, attention, caring, communication, tolerance, humor, the sharing of activities and life experiences. A relationship can be sustained and enjoyed when these resources are present. And then there's sex. The intimacy that arises from meaningful sexual connection gives a relationship a whole other level of sustainability. Beyond just existing as a couple, we radiate love into the universe, returning and replenishing that which has made our own hearts sing.
The energy that is released when two people join together in intimate love is the greatest creative energy in the world. It has the potential to generate new life.
Unfortunately, much of what passes for "sex" is focused on physical release which is actually a depletion of the love resource. When lovers take time to develop behaviors that deepen the connection between them, love is renewed over and over again. Marnia Robinson, author and researcher into harmony between the sexes, emphasizes that the desire to bond is different from the desire to mate. This is an important distinction. Rather than initiating sexual activity from a place of urgent need, a couple can choose a style of lovemaking that enhances the love rather than the release. Ancient spiritual teachings, such as Tantra from India and Taoism from China, included training in sexuality as a path to higher consciousness. Sacred sexual practice not only sustains a relationship, it creates an environment in which the relationship itself is cherished and honored.
It may not be feel natural at first to bring conscious awareness into what most of us think of as a "should-be-natural-and-spontaneous" act. That limiting belief has led to a pandemic of disappointing sex and failed relationships. It's time to try a different approach, a mindful way of embracing S.E.X. as a Synchronized Energy eXchange, a sharing and blending of body, breath and soul. It's time to cultivate the resources of love and intimacy.
Diana Daffner, M.A. with her husband Richard, leads Intimacy Retreats for couples. These romantic vacation/workshops focus on the integrating of phsyical, emotional and spiritual connection. She is the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day. See http://www.IntimacyRetreats.com.
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