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2012年9月5日 星期三

Communication Tips for Heart Healthy Relationships


It doesn't matter how old we are, matters of the heart go on forever. It is well known that a healthy diet, exercise, and attitude are powerful determinants of a healthy heart. But, knowing how to give and receive love and appreciation may still be the heart's best medicine. Since healthy relationships are so vital to living our best life, as a Life Coach, relationships often naturally integrate themselves into whatever life change my client is trying to make. Relationships are a big part of our personal Spirit, Mind Body landscape and affect every part of our being. Good or bad-how they play out in our life, and physical, mental and spiritual health, is up to us. And no, if we are not happy with our relationships, it's not the other people you need to change -there's no place for blame in a healthy relationship-it's us. It is often at midlife that we finally realize that having healthy relationships is up to us and no one else. Once a client has accepted this, the real work can begin. Taking a holistic approach, here are some ways to prevent problems in, or refresh relationships, that I've found helpful for myself and my clients.

1. Be Generous With Your Appreciation.

How often do you feel or give appreciation? How important is appreciation? Studies show that appreciation of others and of ourself is strongly correlated with happiness and health. I know of people who have quit their jobs for not feeling appreciated for their contributions in the workplace. I've also seen the opposite. When people are acknowledged for their efforts, they feel better about giving and often go beyond the call of duty. Experiment with this and experience the magic for yourself. Appreciation changes people. In families, appreciation can minimize or prevent problems. Start appreciating those you care about for things you wouldn't even think of appreciating them for! All those things you take for granted, like "Thanks for being out there earning a living so we can pay our bills each month; Thanks for the juggling you do everyday to take care of our family; Thank you for being a wonderful kid; Thank you for cleaning up your room; Thank you for bringing up this issue that we need to deal with; Thanks for the great meals you make for us"... You get the idea. Make it a habit. Get the whole family involved. It may feel awkward at first, but after awhile the energy in your home will change, and problems will begin to disappear. It works just as well in the workplace. Good job when...It made me smile when...I know you've been working really hard lately and...then watch company moral skyrocket!

One other interesting phenomenon, if you want something from other, you must give it first. So if you want more appreciation in your life, start doling it out and watch your wish come true!

2. State Your Intention or The Purpose Behind the Communication.

According to Dr. Rick Brinkman, a lifestyle management guru and author of "Life By Design", whenever we communicate there is always a purpose behind that communication. A very effective way to communicate is to let people know your purpose or your (positive) intention first to avoid misunderstanding. Without the desired intention, defenses easily go up. People often need to know where we are coming from before they can really let go and listen. For example, you might say, "I love you and I really need to clear the air about what happened the other night". This states the intention first and has a loving, positive tone. Consider the difference if the person had said, "I feel frustrated about what happened the other night and I think we need to talk about it". The intention is unclear and immediately causes the other person to put up a protective wall! Always state your intention first.

3. Assume a Positive Intention in Others.

Always assume the best intention in others. People will literally fall all over themselves to fulfill your positive expectations of them. There have been studies that prove when students work with teachers who believe in them to excel, they do. The expectations of the teachers get projected on to the students and in such cases, the students IQ is tested higher than normal for that student. This is the power of your projections! If we want to bring out the very best in our spouse, clients, employees and kids, we can start by just assuming the best and projecting positive expectations.

Sometimes an intention is good, but the actions are not welcome.

For example, your husband decides to surprise you and rearrange the furniture. His intentions were good, but you hated what he did. If you just said, "You shouldn't have done this, you need to move everything back the way it was"-do you think he would take the initiative to do something "nice" for you again? Probably not! But, if you said, "Thank you honey for caring about the way our home looks, it was really great of you make this effort for me. But, what you didn't know is I really don't like it this way, can we try something different?" With this response he will not be afraid to try to please you another time.

4. Seek First to Understand.

An argument is two people wanting to be understood when neither one wants to understand. How to resolve an argument? Let the other person feel understood first. When they feel understood, they will then be able to give their full attention to us. Listening is the key to understanding. Let them know you are listening by giving specific feedback so the other person knows they are being heard and understood. The best way to do this is to simply take their words and give it back to them. This is a special technique used by counselors and coaches. Their words are special to them; it doesn't work as well to try to use our own language. We can ask questions for clarity if we need to. Listening and caring provides the feeling the other person is looking for. The final step is to confirm the other person feels understood by saying something like, "Do I understand this correctly?" Then it's our turn to talk.

5. Enjoy Differences.

Recognize it is wonderful to have differences, and then to respect them. Each individual processes feelings differently according to their own life experience. If we are sensitive to this we can discover the best way to support the other person and get both needs met. A really useful question to ask when some one close to us starts a statement with " You don't...", is "How would you know if I did?", For example, " How would you know if I supported you?", or "How would you know if I cared for you?". Keep in mind, the people close to us often have their own criteria for getting their desires fulfilled based on their own model of the world! And it may not be the same as ours, so we need to ask. For example, one person's criteria for a romantic evening may be very different than their partners! The intent may be the same (wanting intimate time together), but how to fulfill that intent is often not. Again, asking questions helps a lot! Ask, "What does a romantic evening look like for you?", and then you may need to find a compromise.

6. Notice the Energy of Your Intention.

According to the bestseller "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson, when we come from a place of love and acceptance, and truly accepting people as they are, has the miraculous effect of helping them be better people. When we are always telling people what's wrong with them, we don't help them, instead, we paralyze them with shame and guilt. When we accept others unconditionally, we help them to feel good about themselves, to relax, and to find their way. This doesn't mean we can't share constructive criticism, but again, and energy of positive intent is important. It is the energy, good or bad, that is carried in our communication. The miracle is the authentic intention to communicate with love not fear. According to the book, "...the key to communication is not what we say, but rather the attitude that lies behind what we say".

o A Relationship Tool to Try.

The following relationship tool can help with maintaining healthy relationships. It is called a relationship agreement. Sit down with your spouse, your son/daughter, or your business partner and come up with some agreements about how to communicate with each other. Then when things start to go amuck, (and when our feelings turn into emotional reactions, they easily do!), you can get the agreement out and say "Remember how we agreed to communicate?"

Examples of mutual relationship agreements might include:

* To have weekly meetings.

* To communicate without blame.

* To communicate only from love-not fear.

* To take turns with who gets to start when settling an argument

* To create and have a plan for how to exit an argument so you can come back to it after you've gained some perspective.

* To always state the positive intent first.

Every two people who come together bring uniqueness to that relationship, so each particular relationship agreement will be unique as well. Other useful strategies include creating special and sacred time alone with our spouse or child, bringing new skills or hobbies to a relationship to share and appreciate together, and reading relationship books or listening to tapes with partners and discussing how we might apply the information to our own relationships.

Try this: Think of one relationship in your life that is meaningful to you, but is not going as well as you would like. Choose from the ideas in this newsletter that feel comfortable for you to try. Then apply the changes you want to make. Be patient and journal the changes you begin to see in the other person and in yourself.




Debra Betterly,Ph.D.is a Life Coach whose specialty is midlife mastery. This article is derived from her newsletter, “Second Acts”, a spirit-mind-body approach for women re-inventing the second half of life. Please visit [http://www.amazingjouneycoach.com] to subscribe to this free monthly eNewsletter and also to learn more about her program “Put Your Dream to Work” and her eBook “Awakening the Spirit Within”. You can also email her at amazingjourney@charter.net





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

張貼者： 於 下午2:40 0 意見
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2012年9月2日 星期日

The Yoga of Love - Sacred Relationships through Yoga


"Love is the ultimate guru. Where love does not exist, life cannot exist."

In life, a great spiritual awakening can come from the love a significant other - a partner. Perhaps we should approach our relationships like our yoga practice -growing and evolving. Therefore, Sacred relationships require the same mindfulness that we use to develop our yoga practice. These are presented here, as the Five keys to Sacred Love.

"Like the practice of yoga, sacred relationships require consciousness and wisdom" Chris Walker.

The First Key is Balance

Balance is as paramount in relationships as it is in yoga. True love can only come from a balanced mind. When your mind is balanced, not in excess or deficiency, then the ego cannot act. To see good and bad at one time loosens the grip of egoism and righteousness on the individual and allows their heart to open. Love exists in the stillness of balance. The rest is purely emotional trivia.

The Second Key is Appreciation

In yoga, we must learn to find contentment. Negative consciousness is always pushing us to improve, perfect, aspire and desire more or better. Good yoga practice must overcome this. So too, in a sacred relationship we must learn to function from the higher realms of our mind by learning contentment. Contentment in love comes through appreciation, not wanting to change someone, or ourselves is to become content, and therefore in love. Appreciation grows relationship, wanting to change people defeats it.

The Third Key - learn to grow through challenge

Our real guru is challenge. Our teachers challenge us, and we eventually learn in yoga that this is an act of deep love. We grow in yoga from the challenge of a teacher. In Sacred relationships, our guru must become our beloved. They will challenge us, confront us and therefore, if we can be conscious, grow us. All relationships grow at the border of support and challenge, yet many people run from challenge. As in yoga, we must learn not to blame and accuse in the face of challenges. These are our teachers in yoga and in relationship.

The forth key - The art of Service

WE begin our yoga thinking that our practice of yoga is for self realization, but we discover very quickly, that self realization actually comes from what we give, not what we are. We cannot self realize until we can make others a priority over ourselves. The new student of yoga will be drawn to class because they see some personal gain in it. Eventually, they become devoted to yoga because there is service they can do for others. In Sacred Relationship, we bind with our lover because we serve them. Self serving people, emotionally reactive and pleasure hungry will be unable to sustain relationships, just as they are unable to sustain integrity to their yoga practice.

The fifth step - Love is a lifestyle.

Yoga is more than an asana or a deep backbend. Yoga is more than a meditation done in the morning. Yoga is a lifestyle, a way of life. It includes vegetarian diet, it includes mindfulness of words and deeds. Yoga practitioners are taught non violence and respect - yoga is a way of life. So too is love. One cannot be a vindictive cheat in business and a sacred lover at home. Such duality in personality is the lowest of delusions witnessed in humanity. Therefore, sacred love is a lifestyle, a way of being, a way of treating all people. Even alone, the yogi will be respectful and mindful. So too, the sacred lover who aspires to sacred relationship will act alone as they act in public, with gentleness, compassion, kindness and love.

Sacred Relationship --- Ideas to remember

1. Love is cumulative - remember that small acts of forgetfulness add to large disasters.

2. Every day is a sacred day.

3. Emotion is cyclic - with the moon. Love is constant with the sun. Both share influence over the earth, and therefore you. Prioritize one of them.

4. Healing an emotional wound is really the release of ego. Evolution.

5. Nobody does to you more or less than you do to yourself. Don't play victim.

6. If you are motivated by pleasure - you'll be de-motivated by pain.

7. Nothing of the senses ever satisfied the soul.

8. People can reject your expectations, they cannot reject your love.




Chris Walker Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

張貼者： 於 下午6:48 0 意見
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2012年7月25日 星期三

Communication Tips for Heart Healthy Relationships


It doesn't matter how old we are, matters of the heart go on forever. It is well known that a healthy diet, exercise, and attitude are powerful determinants of a healthy heart. But, knowing how to give and receive love and appreciation may still be the heart's best medicine. Since healthy relationships are so vital to living our best life, as a Life Coach, relationships often naturally integrate themselves into whatever life change my client is trying to make. Relationships are a big part of our personal Spirit, Mind Body landscape and affect every part of our being. Good or bad-how they play out in our life, and physical, mental and spiritual health, is up to us. And no, if we are not happy with our relationships, it's not the other people you need to change -there's no place for blame in a healthy relationship-it's us. It is often at midlife that we finally realize that having healthy relationships is up to us and no one else. Once a client has accepted this, the real work can begin. Taking a holistic approach, here are some ways to prevent problems in, or refresh relationships, that I've found helpful for myself and my clients.

1. Be Generous With Your Appreciation.

How often do you feel or give appreciation? How important is appreciation? Studies show that appreciation of others and of ourself is strongly correlated with happiness and health. I know of people who have quit their jobs for not feeling appreciated for their contributions in the workplace. I've also seen the opposite. When people are acknowledged for their efforts, they feel better about giving and often go beyond the call of duty. Experiment with this and experience the magic for yourself. Appreciation changes people. In families, appreciation can minimize or prevent problems. Start appreciating those you care about for things you wouldn't even think of appreciating them for! All those things you take for granted, like "Thanks for being out there earning a living so we can pay our bills each month; Thanks for the juggling you do everyday to take care of our family; Thank you for being a wonderful kid; Thank you for cleaning up your room; Thank you for bringing up this issue that we need to deal with; Thanks for the great meals you make for us"... You get the idea. Make it a habit. Get the whole family involved. It may feel awkward at first, but after awhile the energy in your home will change, and problems will begin to disappear. It works just as well in the workplace. Good job when...It made me smile when...I know you've been working really hard lately and...then watch company moral skyrocket!

One other interesting phenomenon, if you want something from other, you must give it first. So if you want more appreciation in your life, start doling it out and watch your wish come true!

2. State Your Intention or The Purpose Behind the Communication.

According to Dr. Rick Brinkman, a lifestyle management guru and author of "Life By Design", whenever we communicate there is always a purpose behind that communication. A very effective way to communicate is to let people know your purpose or your (positive) intention first to avoid misunderstanding. Without the desired intention, defenses easily go up. People often need to know where we are coming from before they can really let go and listen. For example, you might say, "I love you and I really need to clear the air about what happened the other night". This states the intention first and has a loving, positive tone. Consider the difference if the person had said, "I feel frustrated about what happened the other night and I think we need to talk about it". The intention is unclear and immediately causes the other person to put up a protective wall! Always state your intention first.

3. Assume a Positive Intention in Others.

Always assume the best intention in others. People will literally fall all over themselves to fulfill your positive expectations of them. There have been studies that prove when students work with teachers who believe in them to excel, they do. The expectations of the teachers get projected on to the students and in such cases, the students IQ is tested higher than normal for that student. This is the power of your projections! If we want to bring out the very best in our spouse, clients, employees and kids, we can start by just assuming the best and projecting positive expectations.

Sometimes an intention is good, but the actions are not welcome.

For example, your husband decides to surprise you and rearrange the furniture. His intentions were good, but you hated what he did. If you just said, "You shouldn't have done this, you need to move everything back the way it was"-do you think he would take the initiative to do something "nice" for you again? Probably not! But, if you said, "Thank you honey for caring about the way our home looks, it was really great of you make this effort for me. But, what you didn't know is I really don't like it this way, can we try something different?" With this response he will not be afraid to try to please you another time.

4. Seek First to Understand.

An argument is two people wanting to be understood when neither one wants to understand. How to resolve an argument? Let the other person feel understood first. When they feel understood, they will then be able to give their full attention to us. Listening is the key to understanding. Let them know you are listening by giving specific feedback so the other person knows they are being heard and understood. The best way to do this is to simply take their words and give it back to them. This is a special technique used by counselors and coaches. Their words are special to them; it doesn't work as well to try to use our own language. We can ask questions for clarity if we need to. Listening and caring provides the feeling the other person is looking for. The final step is to confirm the other person feels understood by saying something like, "Do I understand this correctly?" Then it's our turn to talk.

5. Enjoy Differences.

Recognize it is wonderful to have differences, and then to respect them. Each individual processes feelings differently according to their own life experience. If we are sensitive to this we can discover the best way to support the other person and get both needs met. A really useful question to ask when some one close to us starts a statement with " You don't...", is "How would you know if I did?", For example, " How would you know if I supported you?", or "How would you know if I cared for you?". Keep in mind, the people close to us often have their own criteria for getting their desires fulfilled based on their own model of the world! And it may not be the same as ours, so we need to ask. For example, one person's criteria for a romantic evening may be very different than their partners! The intent may be the same (wanting intimate time together), but how to fulfill that intent is often not. Again, asking questions helps a lot! Ask, "What does a romantic evening look like for you?", and then you may need to find a compromise.

6. Notice the Energy of Your Intention.

According to the bestseller "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson, when we come from a place of love and acceptance, and truly accepting people as they are, has the miraculous effect of helping them be better people. When we are always telling people what's wrong with them, we don't help them, instead, we paralyze them with shame and guilt. When we accept others unconditionally, we help them to feel good about themselves, to relax, and to find their way. This doesn't mean we can't share constructive criticism, but again, and energy of positive intent is important. It is the energy, good or bad, that is carried in our communication. The miracle is the authentic intention to communicate with love not fear. According to the book, "...the key to communication is not what we say, but rather the attitude that lies behind what we say".

o A Relationship Tool to Try.

The following relationship tool can help with maintaining healthy relationships. It is called a relationship agreement. Sit down with your spouse, your son/daughter, or your business partner and come up with some agreements about how to communicate with each other. Then when things start to go amuck, (and when our feelings turn into emotional reactions, they easily do!), you can get the agreement out and say "Remember how we agreed to communicate?"

Examples of mutual relationship agreements might include:

* To have weekly meetings.

* To communicate without blame.

* To communicate only from love-not fear.

* To take turns with who gets to start when settling an argument

* To create and have a plan for how to exit an argument so you can come back to it after you've gained some perspective.

* To always state the positive intent first.

Every two people who come together bring uniqueness to that relationship, so each particular relationship agreement will be unique as well. Other useful strategies include creating special and sacred time alone with our spouse or child, bringing new skills or hobbies to a relationship to share and appreciate together, and reading relationship books or listening to tapes with partners and discussing how we might apply the information to our own relationships.

Try this: Think of one relationship in your life that is meaningful to you, but is not going as well as you would like. Choose from the ideas in this newsletter that feel comfortable for you to try. Then apply the changes you want to make. Be patient and journal the changes you begin to see in the other person and in yourself.




Debra Betterly,Ph.D.is a Life Coach whose specialty is midlife mastery. This article is derived from her newsletter, “Second Acts”, a spirit-mind-body approach for women re-inventing the second half of life. Please visit [http://www.amazingjouneycoach.com] to subscribe to this free monthly eNewsletter and also to learn more about her program “Put Your Dream to Work” and her eBook “Awakening the Spirit Within”. You can also email her at amazingjourney@charter.net





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

張貼者： 於 凌晨3:24 0 意見
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2012年6月26日 星期二

The Yoga of Love - Sacred Relationships through Yoga


"Love is the ultimate guru. Where love does not exist, life cannot exist."

In life, a great spiritual awakening can come from the love a significant other - a partner. Perhaps we should approach our relationships like our yoga practice -growing and evolving. Therefore, Sacred relationships require the same mindfulness that we use to develop our yoga practice. These are presented here, as the Five keys to Sacred Love.

"Like the practice of yoga, sacred relationships require consciousness and wisdom" Chris Walker.

The First Key is Balance

Balance is as paramount in relationships as it is in yoga. True love can only come from a balanced mind. When your mind is balanced, not in excess or deficiency, then the ego cannot act. To see good and bad at one time loosens the grip of egoism and righteousness on the individual and allows their heart to open. Love exists in the stillness of balance. The rest is purely emotional trivia.

The Second Key is Appreciation

In yoga, we must learn to find contentment. Negative consciousness is always pushing us to improve, perfect, aspire and desire more or better. Good yoga practice must overcome this. So too, in a sacred relationship we must learn to function from the higher realms of our mind by learning contentment. Contentment in love comes through appreciation, not wanting to change someone, or ourselves is to become content, and therefore in love. Appreciation grows relationship, wanting to change people defeats it.

The Third Key - learn to grow through challenge

Our real guru is challenge. Our teachers challenge us, and we eventually learn in yoga that this is an act of deep love. We grow in yoga from the challenge of a teacher. In Sacred relationships, our guru must become our beloved. They will challenge us, confront us and therefore, if we can be conscious, grow us. All relationships grow at the border of support and challenge, yet many people run from challenge. As in yoga, we must learn not to blame and accuse in the face of challenges. These are our teachers in yoga and in relationship.

The forth key - The art of Service

WE begin our yoga thinking that our practice of yoga is for self realization, but we discover very quickly, that self realization actually comes from what we give, not what we are. We cannot self realize until we can make others a priority over ourselves. The new student of yoga will be drawn to class because they see some personal gain in it. Eventually, they become devoted to yoga because there is service they can do for others. In Sacred Relationship, we bind with our lover because we serve them. Self serving people, emotionally reactive and pleasure hungry will be unable to sustain relationships, just as they are unable to sustain integrity to their yoga practice.

The fifth step - Love is a lifestyle.

Yoga is more than an asana or a deep backbend. Yoga is more than a meditation done in the morning. Yoga is a lifestyle, a way of life. It includes vegetarian diet, it includes mindfulness of words and deeds. Yoga practitioners are taught non violence and respect - yoga is a way of life. So too is love. One cannot be a vindictive cheat in business and a sacred lover at home. Such duality in personality is the lowest of delusions witnessed in humanity. Therefore, sacred love is a lifestyle, a way of being, a way of treating all people. Even alone, the yogi will be respectful and mindful. So too, the sacred lover who aspires to sacred relationship will act alone as they act in public, with gentleness, compassion, kindness and love.

Sacred Relationship --- Ideas to remember

1. Love is cumulative - remember that small acts of forgetfulness add to large disasters.

2. Every day is a sacred day.

3. Emotion is cyclic - with the moon. Love is constant with the sun. Both share influence over the earth, and therefore you. Prioritize one of them.

4. Healing an emotional wound is really the release of ego. Evolution.

5. Nobody does to you more or less than you do to yourself. Don't play victim.

6. If you are motivated by pleasure - you'll be de-motivated by pain.

7. Nothing of the senses ever satisfied the soul.

8. People can reject your expectations, they cannot reject your love.




Chris Walker Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

張貼者： 於 下午4:52 0 意見
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2012年5月15日 星期二

The Yoga of Love - Sacred Relationships through Yoga


"Love is the ultimate guru. Where love does not exist, life cannot exist."

In life, a great spiritual awakening can come from the love a significant other - a partner. Perhaps we should approach our relationships like our yoga practice -growing and evolving. Therefore, Sacred relationships require the same mindfulness that we use to develop our yoga practice. These are presented here, as the Five keys to Sacred Love.

"Like the practice of yoga, sacred relationships require consciousness and wisdom" Chris Walker.

The First Key is Balance

Balance is as paramount in relationships as it is in yoga. True love can only come from a balanced mind. When your mind is balanced, not in excess or deficiency, then the ego cannot act. To see good and bad at one time loosens the grip of egoism and righteousness on the individual and allows their heart to open. Love exists in the stillness of balance. The rest is purely emotional trivia.

The Second Key is Appreciation

In yoga, we must learn to find contentment. Negative consciousness is always pushing us to improve, perfect, aspire and desire more or better. Good yoga practice must overcome this. So too, in a sacred relationship we must learn to function from the higher realms of our mind by learning contentment. Contentment in love comes through appreciation, not wanting to change someone, or ourselves is to become content, and therefore in love. Appreciation grows relationship, wanting to change people defeats it.

The Third Key - learn to grow through challenge

Our real guru is challenge. Our teachers challenge us, and we eventually learn in yoga that this is an act of deep love. We grow in yoga from the challenge of a teacher. In Sacred relationships, our guru must become our beloved. They will challenge us, confront us and therefore, if we can be conscious, grow us. All relationships grow at the border of support and challenge, yet many people run from challenge. As in yoga, we must learn not to blame and accuse in the face of challenges. These are our teachers in yoga and in relationship.

The forth key - The art of Service

WE begin our yoga thinking that our practice of yoga is for self realization, but we discover very quickly, that self realization actually comes from what we give, not what we are. We cannot self realize until we can make others a priority over ourselves. The new student of yoga will be drawn to class because they see some personal gain in it. Eventually, they become devoted to yoga because there is service they can do for others. In Sacred Relationship, we bind with our lover because we serve them. Self serving people, emotionally reactive and pleasure hungry will be unable to sustain relationships, just as they are unable to sustain integrity to their yoga practice.

The fifth step - Love is a lifestyle.

Yoga is more than an asana or a deep backbend. Yoga is more than a meditation done in the morning. Yoga is a lifestyle, a way of life. It includes vegetarian diet, it includes mindfulness of words and deeds. Yoga practitioners are taught non violence and respect - yoga is a way of life. So too is love. One cannot be a vindictive cheat in business and a sacred lover at home. Such duality in personality is the lowest of delusions witnessed in humanity. Therefore, sacred love is a lifestyle, a way of being, a way of treating all people. Even alone, the yogi will be respectful and mindful. So too, the sacred lover who aspires to sacred relationship will act alone as they act in public, with gentleness, compassion, kindness and love.

Sacred Relationship --- Ideas to remember

1. Love is cumulative - remember that small acts of forgetfulness add to large disasters.

2. Every day is a sacred day.

3. Emotion is cyclic - with the moon. Love is constant with the sun. Both share influence over the earth, and therefore you. Prioritize one of them.

4. Healing an emotional wound is really the release of ego. Evolution.

5. Nobody does to you more or less than you do to yourself. Don't play victim.

6. If you are motivated by pleasure - you'll be de-motivated by pain.

7. Nothing of the senses ever satisfied the soul.

8. People can reject your expectations, they cannot reject your love.




Chris Walker Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

張貼者： 於 凌晨12:04 0 意見
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2012年5月4日 星期五

Cheating in Relationships - An Honest Response


Cheating in relationships rears its hurtful head everywhere, and I don't have to tell you it's a devastating killer. What if there were an option to cheating in relationships that didn't have to involve fiery break-ups and divorce lawyers; that didn't have to spell betrayal and dishonesty; and that didn't have to make enemies of allies? And what if this option challenged how we define the gold standard of relationships: monogamy?

Although love, intimacy, sex and relationship are often the most important areas in our lives, they are also where we experience the most confusion and suffering. Cheating in relationships is one at the top of the pile of confusion and suffering. Additionally, the relationship models we have inherited don't fit us so well. We have few tools or skills with which to navigate relationships we are in. Or we can't seem to find one at all.

Cheating in relationships is one of the most painful ways we "break the rules." However, cheating actually has more to do with the rules (spoken and unspoken) that are broken with the act of cheating, than the act itself. It is therefore essential to fully define, and even re-define, the rules by which we live out our relationships. In the section, Why Re-Define?, on my website, I speak more about the vital nature of the re-defining process in honest, integrous, intimate love relationships.

Cheating in relationships: is there an honest response to this dishonest act? I want you to hear more, inspired by the timely question of a reader and client below.

In an intentional community in New Mexico, I was raised on liberal doses of critical thinking, self-expression, and interpersonal relating. During the span of my career from modern dancer to business consultant to nutritional counselor to relationship coach and teacher, I have developed irreverently reverent perspectives on relationships, love and sex. As the traditional boundaries of life and love seem less and less applicable to our current lives, I notice that navigating sex and relationship in the quickly-evolving landscape of 21st century life calls for nothing short of a revolution of relationship re-definition.

Let me introduce myself: LiYana Silver, Relationship Specialist. Consider me your intrepid guide on your joyride to your relationship edges. I am honored to have my life peppered with exquisite relationships - co-created works of art - which have been workshop, crucible and launching pad.

"Does Monogamy need to be re-defined for today's couples to have any chance at longevity?"

Well, as far as the dictionary is concerned, monogamy already has a definition. Webster's (or, more accurately, the excellent dictionary that accompanies my computer's word-processing program) puts it like this: "Monogamy: The practice or state of being married to one person at a time; the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner." Pretty clear. And no, I don't intend to keep addressing your question like a smart alec! I bring up the dictionary's denotation of monogamy so that I can to reach beyond it to monogamy's connotation: monogamy as a relationship lifestyle and outlook on love, sex and partnered life; monogamy as sexual exclusivity; monogamy as marriage. And this monogamy, I would say, is in grand need of re-definition.

Another way to phrase your question might be, do we need sexual monogamy and marriage to stay together for the long haul? By examining the relevancy of marriage and sexual monogamy, longevity also gets thrown under scrutiny as well.

Life is changing, and fast. For many of us, culture has flung its doors wide open and said, "You choose!" We live in an era exploding with choice - where to live, how to live, with whom and for how long. Never before has the cultural conversation leaned so far in the direction of personal choice. Never before have we been as encouraged as now to consider that following our personal bliss is the ultimate directive to inform one's life path. At the same time, we still live in a culture that holds the relationship gold standard to be: find-a-soul-mate-or-at-least-someone-you-can-stand-get-a-ring-get-married-have-a-kid-or-2.3-and-live-happily-ever-after. There is tremendous pressure to be everything to one another, to get all your needs met by one person. And of course, in the middle of those cultural pushes and pulls, the models of relationship passed down from just the previous generation are less relevant to the our day to day lives. I'm sure you know a relationship or two that have longevity going for them, but nothing else.

Healthy, functional longevity assumes that your two lives go in relatively the same direction for a period of time. I have heard it said that marriages "worked" when the life expectancy for the average human being was 30-40 years. We're up to something like 65-75 years now, living more than twice as long as when marriage "worked." To have a life-time's worth of longevity in your relationship you need to be relatively well-matched in most areas, including career direction, managing money, family and social circles, having children, rearing children as well as preference of sexuality and geographic location. It is a tall order to expect that two individuals will want the same things throughout a partnership of possibly a lifetime's length, pragmatically speaking. Especially when there is cultural encouragement to live life based on your personal directive.

Please don't misunderstand: I am in no way saying there is anything wrong with a lifetime partnership of monogamy. It can be infinitely more simple and satisfying than some other relationship concoction, to be sure! However, we have been taught that we should just find love, and somehow it will all fall into place. But love is not enough for a successful and sustainable relationship. Nor is it enough anymore to fit one's self into the standard cultural model of monogamy. A relationship that is lasting and sustainable, in which the individuals are happy fulfilled and challenged for a long as the relationship lasts; that in and of itself is a powerful re-definition of the monogamy we know and have inherited. And this kind of monogamy requires looking under the hood of the relationship vehicle, not just climbing in and hoping for the best. It requires a bit of a radical overhaul and a set of skills not provided in movies, school curriculum or most family dinner conversations; skills for communication, adaptation, and navigating the large questions of life and partnership.

I look at the process of re-defining like taking the lid off of what you are SUPPOSED to do, examining it, keeping the bits that work for you, leaving the rest. For most of us, this is a new and confronting task. Peeking under the lid will bring up all kinds of interesting things, including how long you want the relationship to last. Maybe you don't want till death do you part. Maybe there is a natural life and death of a relationship, and if it ends before life does, it is not a failure. The father of a dear friend of mine has had a series of 10-year relationships over the course of his life. He's on his 3rd rich and wonderful one, and certainly doesn't consider himself a failure at relationship or marriage. Maybe you don't want just one sexual partner. Ours is a generation groomed on sexual choice, pre-sold on sex. It is just as natural for people to want to pair up for life as it is to be gregarious, flirtatious, and sexually experimentative. Humans are complex beings, with sexual and sensual curiosities abounding. But sexuality aside, it is preposterous to expect you can get all of your needs met by one person. Re-defining monogamy must include, then, a look at what it is possible to get from your partner, and what is best gotten outside the relationship, to ease the pressure on the partnership and feed the complex beings within the partnership.

Consulting your own heart at least as much as our cultural norms is not just a novel nicety afforded by modern life, it is also a necessity. Depression, suicidal tendencies, schizophrenia, and general numbness can be caused by all kinds of reasons, including genetics, history, family, diet, environment, astrology, karma, gender, pre-destiny, seasons or hormones. More importantly, it can also be caused by being un-aligned with your personal truth and not living according to what you hold most sacred, inspiring and exciting.

But does following your personal bliss inevitably lead you away from monogamy? Does it lead you to want more than one sexual partner, or reconsider marriage as the ideal container for relationship? Does it encourage irresponsibility? Maybe. But, of course not necessarily.

To re-define monogamy is to invoke adaptability and responsibility - the ABILITY to ADAPT and RESPOND; it is to become a relationship entrepreneur. What are most needed are the necessary skills to navigate ANY relationship, to have it last as long you desire, monogamous or not. To re-define monogamy is to go beyond the definition in the dictionary, or the model that was handed down to you like too-tight tennis shoes, and create a model that is relevant to you and your life, that you love.

"Is the desire for monogamy a concept that is culturally inbred and encouraged, or it truly a primal urge innate in most of us?"

My simple answer is YES.

YES, monogamy as the culturally accepted norm for relationships is definitely inbred and encouraged. If you were to throw a dart into a wall of DVD movie rentals, you will likely pierce one that is all about finding the perfect soul mate, being faithful and blissful, happily ever after, forever and ever.

I certainly can't speak for "most of us" but YES, monogamy is certainly an urge innate in many of us.

We, the human species, tend to use the lenses of cultural trends, science, anthropology or sociology to attempt to make sense of our humanity - caught as we are somewhere twixt our animal instincts and our abilities to be rational, self-conscious and contemplative of the divine. These lenses attempt to define what is natural, and hence, what is unnatural. We look for common threads and search for proof as an attempt to determine a direction to point ourselves in for our best life. But among humans, there's no control group. What the herd is currently doing, what the herd did historically or what it means to go against the herd is just one metric to judge a life by; it is just one system or standard to use to direct your life.

We are always looking for THE answer, but it is also useful to spend at least as much time looking for YOUR answer. Are you a person for whom monogamy is an intrinsic urge, a means to be most fulfilled and connected this lifetime? Or are you a person who is happy to lift the constraints of monogamy so as to create the relationship most suited to your expression and satisfaction? Are you listening close enough to see when that might change for you, and do you have the skills to adapt as your needs change?

It is difficult to look toward culture for any kind of standard, since no culture is completely homogeneous. Within any culture there are sub-cultures - a constant, dynamic morphing as the culture converses with life. As culture changes, its desire for monogamy can also change.

It is also difficult to look solely toward science. Often science looks to the animal world to give us strange human creatures some guidance in what is "natural." Some animal species mate for life and are poster children for loyalty and fidelity. Some use sexual intercourse with multiple and copious numbers of partners as a means for creating and maintaining social harmony. Some eat their mates after copulation. Any concept can be proven scientifically, partly due to the extraordinary variations in the observable world, and partly due to the viewpoints and agendas of the funders of said scientific study.

It is equally difficult to look toward anthropology. There are theories that support pair bonding as the healthiest and best means of survival, and there are theories that extol the virtues of an entire village raising a child. A colleague once told me of a tribe from South America, where a woman is expected to choose one man to be the biological father of her child, another one or two that will raise and look after the child with her, and several others with whom she will have intercourse with while pregnant, so as to impart their qualities to her developing baby. Granted, I am not sure if this is an actual tribe discovered by some intrepid anthropologist, or created by a hopeful sociologist as a fascinating alternative for child rearing and monogamy. Regardless, it is a cultural norm a tad different than the one we find ourselves steeped in, to be sure!

And of course, it is just as difficult to look toward your own instincts or desires. There can be an assumption that if you remove the SHOULDs imposed by culture, your desires will rise to the top like cream. Making your way through cultural influences toward your own innate desires requires self-awareness, the ability to go where no man or woman has gone before, and the willingness to be inner-directed, rather than governed by custom. I believe what is "natural" are those desires that bring you the most joy, fulfillment and sense of contribution. But that is my personal definition, created by a mind encouraged to think freely, within a greatly privileged culture that hasn't ostracized me for plodding upstream against the current of convention.

I say look to - and then beyond - both nature and nurture in order to create a life and a love that is born of you and resembles you thoroughly. I assert it is better to have a relationship that is imperfect but based on your own deliberate choices than to have one that is retro-fitted to someone else's version of perfection. At the end of the day, I say marry yourself to your own oxymoronic nature. Take what deeply resonates with you and leave the rest.




by LiYana Silver

LiYana Silver, creatrix of ReDefining Monogamy, works with couples and women to step out of painful relationship ruts into extraordinary, satisfying co-created partnerships - coloring both in and outside the lines of traditional monogamy. LiYana is a teacher, counselor, speaker and writer; she leads workshop intensives and retreats and works in individualized sessions. She authors and maintains her website (http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com), a rich online mecca for those looking not to settle, but looking for alternative, clear, cutting-edge, (reverently irreverent!) information, resources and information products....





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2012年4月21日 星期六

Sustainable Relationships - Renewable Resources


Sustainability is a popular and urgent word today. It refers to the capacity to endure. There is growing concern that we must learn to use earth's resources in a way that does not deplete them. The original meaning of the word "resource" was to rise up, to lift up. A resource is that which provides support, can be drawn upon when needed. We are all familiar with the resources that are required to drive our cars, heat or cool our homes, produce food for our families.

We know that some resources are limited and cannot be replenished. Yet others are renewable. Sustainability depends on discovering and developing these renewable sources of energy.

To sustain a relationship, can "love" be considered a resource?  Intimacy? Absolutely. Dr. Dean Ornish, a physician and best-selling author who links lifestyle to health, says that "Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing." He continues, "I am not aware of any other factor in medicine- not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery- that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death from all causes."

Quality of life matters. Luckily for us, love and intimacy are renewable resources that actually increase through use. The more we allow and enjoy love and intimacy, the more we are nourished at the core of our being.

There are many factors that help sustain a relationship: kindness, respect, attention, caring, communication, tolerance, humor, the sharing of activities and life experiences. A relationship can be sustained and enjoyed when these resources are present. And then there's sex. The intimacy that arises from meaningful sexual connection gives a relationship a whole other level of sustainability. Beyond just existing as a couple, we radiate love into the universe, returning and replenishing that which has made our own hearts sing.

The energy that is released when two people join together in intimate love is the greatest creative energy in the world. It has the potential to generate new life.

Unfortunately, much of what passes for "sex" is focused on physical release which is actually a depletion of the love resource. When lovers take time to develop behaviors that deepen the connection between them, love is renewed over and over again. Marnia Robinson, author and researcher into harmony between the sexes, emphasizes that the desire to bond is different from the desire to mate. This is an important distinction. Rather than initiating sexual activity from a place of urgent need, a couple can choose a style of lovemaking that enhances the love rather than the release. Ancient spiritual teachings, such as Tantra from India and Taoism from China, included training in sexuality as a path to higher consciousness. Sacred sexual practice not only sustains a relationship, it creates an environment in which the relationship itself is cherished and honored.

It may not be feel natural at first to bring conscious awareness into what most of us think of as a "should-be-natural-and-spontaneous" act. That limiting belief has led to a pandemic of disappointing sex and failed relationships. It's time to try a different approach, a mindful way of embracing S.E.X. as a Synchronized Energy eXchange, a sharing and blending of body, breath and soul. It's time to cultivate the resources of love and intimacy.




Diana Daffner, M.A. with her husband Richard, leads Intimacy Retreats for couples. These romantic vacation/workshops focus on the integrating of phsyical, emotional and spiritual connection. She is the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day. See http://www.IntimacyRetreats.com.





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2011年12月23日 星期五

Communication Tips for Heart Healthy Relationships


It doesn't matter how old we are, matters of the heart go on forever. It is well known that a healthy diet, exercise, and attitude are powerful determinants of a healthy heart. But, knowing how to give and receive love and appreciation may still be the heart's best medicine. Since healthy relationships are so vital to living our best life, as a Life Coach, relationships often naturally integrate themselves into whatever life change my client is trying to make. Relationships are a big part of our personal Spirit, Mind Body landscape and affect every part of our being. Good or bad-how they play out in our life, and physical, mental and spiritual health, is up to us. And no, if we are not happy with our relationships, it's not the other people you need to change -there's no place for blame in a healthy relationship-it's us. It is often at midlife that we finally realize that having healthy relationships is up to us and no one else. Once a client has accepted this, the real work can begin. Taking a holistic approach, here are some ways to prevent problems in, or refresh relationships, that I've found helpful for myself and my clients.

1. Be Generous With Your Appreciation.

How often do you feel or give appreciation? How important is appreciation? Studies show that appreciation of others and of ourself is strongly correlated with happiness and health. I know of people who have quit their jobs for not feeling appreciated for their contributions in the workplace. I've also seen the opposite. When people are acknowledged for their efforts, they feel better about giving and often go beyond the call of duty. Experiment with this and experience the magic for yourself. Appreciation changes people. In families, appreciation can minimize or prevent problems. Start appreciating those you care about for things you wouldn't even think of appreciating them for! All those things you take for granted, like "Thanks for being out there earning a living so we can pay our bills each month; Thanks for the juggling you do everyday to take care of our family; Thank you for being a wonderful kid; Thank you for cleaning up your room; Thank you for bringing up this issue that we need to deal with; Thanks for the great meals you make for us"... You get the idea. Make it a habit. Get the whole family involved. It may feel awkward at first, but after awhile the energy in your home will change, and problems will begin to disappear. It works just as well in the workplace. Good job when...It made me smile when...I know you've been working really hard lately and...then watch company moral skyrocket!

One other interesting phenomenon, if you want something from other, you must give it first. So if you want more appreciation in your life, start doling it out and watch your wish come true!

2. State Your Intention or The Purpose Behind the Communication.

According to Dr. Rick Brinkman, a lifestyle management guru and author of "Life By Design", whenever we communicate there is always a purpose behind that communication. A very effective way to communicate is to let people know your purpose or your (positive) intention first to avoid misunderstanding. Without the desired intention, defenses easily go up. People often need to know where we are coming from before they can really let go and listen. For example, you might say, "I love you and I really need to clear the air about what happened the other night". This states the intention first and has a loving, positive tone. Consider the difference if the person had said, "I feel frustrated about what happened the other night and I think we need to talk about it". The intention is unclear and immediately causes the other person to put up a protective wall! Always state your intention first.

3. Assume a Positive Intention in Others.

Always assume the best intention in others. People will literally fall all over themselves to fulfill your positive expectations of them. There have been studies that prove when students work with teachers who believe in them to excel, they do. The expectations of the teachers get projected on to the students and in such cases, the students IQ is tested higher than normal for that student. This is the power of your projections! If we want to bring out the very best in our spouse, clients, employees and kids, we can start by just assuming the best and projecting positive expectations.

Sometimes an intention is good, but the actions are not welcome.

For example, your husband decides to surprise you and rearrange the furniture. His intentions were good, but you hated what he did. If you just said, "You shouldn't have done this, you need to move everything back the way it was"-do you think he would take the initiative to do something "nice" for you again? Probably not! But, if you said, "Thank you honey for caring about the way our home looks, it was really great of you make this effort for me. But, what you didn't know is I really don't like it this way, can we try something different?" With this response he will not be afraid to try to please you another time.

4. Seek First to Understand.

An argument is two people wanting to be understood when neither one wants to understand. How to resolve an argument? Let the other person feel understood first. When they feel understood, they will then be able to give their full attention to us. Listening is the key to understanding. Let them know you are listening by giving specific feedback so the other person knows they are being heard and understood. The best way to do this is to simply take their words and give it back to them. This is a special technique used by counselors and coaches. Their words are special to them; it doesn't work as well to try to use our own language. We can ask questions for clarity if we need to. Listening and caring provides the feeling the other person is looking for. The final step is to confirm the other person feels understood by saying something like, "Do I understand this correctly?" Then it's our turn to talk.

5. Enjoy Differences.

Recognize it is wonderful to have differences, and then to respect them. Each individual processes feelings differently according to their own life experience. If we are sensitive to this we can discover the best way to support the other person and get both needs met. A really useful question to ask when some one close to us starts a statement with " You don't...", is "How would you know if I did?", For example, " How would you know if I supported you?", or "How would you know if I cared for you?". Keep in mind, the people close to us often have their own criteria for getting their desires fulfilled based on their own model of the world! And it may not be the same as ours, so we need to ask. For example, one person's criteria for a romantic evening may be very different than their partners! The intent may be the same (wanting intimate time together), but how to fulfill that intent is often not. Again, asking questions helps a lot! Ask, "What does a romantic evening look like for you?", and then you may need to find a compromise.

6. Notice the Energy of Your Intention.

According to the bestseller "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson, when we come from a place of love and acceptance, and truly accepting people as they are, has the miraculous effect of helping them be better people. When we are always telling people what's wrong with them, we don't help them, instead, we paralyze them with shame and guilt. When we accept others unconditionally, we help them to feel good about themselves, to relax, and to find their way. This doesn't mean we can't share constructive criticism, but again, and energy of positive intent is important. It is the energy, good or bad, that is carried in our communication. The miracle is the authentic intention to communicate with love not fear. According to the book, "...the key to communication is not what we say, but rather the attitude that lies behind what we say".

o A Relationship Tool to Try.

The following relationship tool can help with maintaining healthy relationships. It is called a relationship agreement. Sit down with your spouse, your son/daughter, or your business partner and come up with some agreements about how to communicate with each other. Then when things start to go amuck, (and when our feelings turn into emotional reactions, they easily do!), you can get the agreement out and say "Remember how we agreed to communicate?"

Examples of mutual relationship agreements might include:

* To have weekly meetings.

* To communicate without blame.

* To communicate only from love-not fear.

* To take turns with who gets to start when settling an argument

* To create and have a plan for how to exit an argument so you can come back to it after you've gained some perspective.

* To always state the positive intent first.

Every two people who come together bring uniqueness to that relationship, so each particular relationship agreement will be unique as well. Other useful strategies include creating special and sacred time alone with our spouse or child, bringing new skills or hobbies to a relationship to share and appreciate together, and reading relationship books or listening to tapes with partners and discussing how we might apply the information to our own relationships.

Try this: Think of one relationship in your life that is meaningful to you, but is not going as well as you would like. Choose from the ideas in this newsletter that feel comfortable for you to try. Then apply the changes you want to make. Be patient and journal the changes you begin to see in the other person and in yourself.




Debra Betterly,Ph.D.is a Life Coach whose specialty is midlife mastery. This article is derived from her newsletter, “Second Acts”, a spirit-mind-body approach for women re-inventing the second half of life. Please visit [http://www.amazingjouneycoach.com] to subscribe to this free monthly eNewsletter and also to learn more about her program “Put Your Dream to Work” and her eBook “Awakening the Spirit Within”. You can also email her at amazingjourney@charter.net





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2011年12月3日 星期六

The Yoga of Love - Sacred Relationships through Yoga


"Love is the ultimate guru. Where love does not exist, life cannot exist."

In life, a great spiritual awakening can come from the love a significant other - a partner. Perhaps we should approach our relationships like our yoga practice -growing and evolving. Therefore, Sacred relationships require the same mindfulness that we use to develop our yoga practice. These are presented here, as the Five keys to Sacred Love.

"Like the practice of yoga, sacred relationships require consciousness and wisdom" Chris Walker.

The First Key is Balance

Balance is as paramount in relationships as it is in yoga. True love can only come from a balanced mind. When your mind is balanced, not in excess or deficiency, then the ego cannot act. To see good and bad at one time loosens the grip of egoism and righteousness on the individual and allows their heart to open. Love exists in the stillness of balance. The rest is purely emotional trivia.

The Second Key is Appreciation

In yoga, we must learn to find contentment. Negative consciousness is always pushing us to improve, perfect, aspire and desire more or better. Good yoga practice must overcome this. So too, in a sacred relationship we must learn to function from the higher realms of our mind by learning contentment. Contentment in love comes through appreciation, not wanting to change someone, or ourselves is to become content, and therefore in love. Appreciation grows relationship, wanting to change people defeats it.

The Third Key - learn to grow through challenge

Our real guru is challenge. Our teachers challenge us, and we eventually learn in yoga that this is an act of deep love. We grow in yoga from the challenge of a teacher. In Sacred relationships, our guru must become our beloved. They will challenge us, confront us and therefore, if we can be conscious, grow us. All relationships grow at the border of support and challenge, yet many people run from challenge. As in yoga, we must learn not to blame and accuse in the face of challenges. These are our teachers in yoga and in relationship.

The forth key - The art of Service

WE begin our yoga thinking that our practice of yoga is for self realization, but we discover very quickly, that self realization actually comes from what we give, not what we are. We cannot self realize until we can make others a priority over ourselves. The new student of yoga will be drawn to class because they see some personal gain in it. Eventually, they become devoted to yoga because there is service they can do for others. In Sacred Relationship, we bind with our lover because we serve them. Self serving people, emotionally reactive and pleasure hungry will be unable to sustain relationships, just as they are unable to sustain integrity to their yoga practice.

The fifth step - Love is a lifestyle.

Yoga is more than an asana or a deep backbend. Yoga is more than a meditation done in the morning. Yoga is a lifestyle, a way of life. It includes vegetarian diet, it includes mindfulness of words and deeds. Yoga practitioners are taught non violence and respect - yoga is a way of life. So too is love. One cannot be a vindictive cheat in business and a sacred lover at home. Such duality in personality is the lowest of delusions witnessed in humanity. Therefore, sacred love is a lifestyle, a way of being, a way of treating all people. Even alone, the yogi will be respectful and mindful. So too, the sacred lover who aspires to sacred relationship will act alone as they act in public, with gentleness, compassion, kindness and love.

Sacred Relationship --- Ideas to remember

1. Love is cumulative - remember that small acts of forgetfulness add to large disasters.

2. Every day is a sacred day.

3. Emotion is cyclic - with the moon. Love is constant with the sun. Both share influence over the earth, and therefore you. Prioritize one of them.

4. Healing an emotional wound is really the release of ego. Evolution.

5. Nobody does to you more or less than you do to yourself. Don't play victim.

6. If you are motivated by pleasure - you'll be de-motivated by pain.

7. Nothing of the senses ever satisfied the soul.

8. People can reject your expectations, they cannot reject your love.




Chris Walker Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au





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